Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Dick?


Hey kids! Do you like violence? Wanna see me stick 9-inch nails through each onnea my eyelids?

(If you’re too young to get that Eminem reference, piss off)

Ahhhhh *stretches out* vut to doooo … vut to dooooo.. *rubs tits*

It’s been a while, eh? Eh, buds? Eh, buddies?

Okay, so I stopped fucking with those sugar daddy websites. They were sooooo depressing. I mean my god. Like wrist slitting depressing.

I am talking to one dentist dude in his 40s. He doesn’t really seem THAT serial killy, but he could be. *fingers crossed* Just kidding. I don’t wanna be serial killed. Well, I guess I don’t wanna be regular killed either. But serial killed is the worst. Like you weren’t even special, you know? Just another notch on the bed post. Crimes of passion. That’s were it’s at! That’s how I wanna go down.

I’m also talking to three other young dudes: Two overzealous brown dudes living in Oman and Brunei, respectively and one white dude living in Nevada. What I really want to say to them is “fuck you, pay me” but what I usually end up saying is “oh hey, yeah not bad. You?”. I’m such a pussy.

In the meantime, I’ve just been here stressing out over school and getting hit on by 21-23 year olds. God that age range is brutal, isn’t it? I gave in to a few recently and gave them my number. Both black dudes. Who cares? You ask. Yea well, when you live in a town like this with so few black people they are bound to know each other. Which they do. And play on the same basketball team. Which they do. They also have the same long braided hair. Which has nothing to do with the town we live in. I just find it funny.

So I chose the cuter one. We watch a movie on my laptop on my bed. Because that’s what you do with 23 year olds. You watch movies on your laptop on your bed with them. He was actually really nice, and kinda shy which was endearing. He was very gentlemanly and didn’t really put the moves on me. But let’s be honest, I didn’t invite him over to start a long lasting meaningful fucking relationship. So I put the moves on him. Cut to – 10 minutes later and I have what is certifiably the BIGGEST DICK EVER smashing repeatedly into my cervix. This guy’s dick was fucking huge and he was jack hammering like it was going out of style. I didn’t have sex with him. He fucked me. I was not an active participant. I was a recipient. A recipient of a 12-inch rock hard cock-a-saurus rod. And I spent the majority of the time trying to back away from it ever so slightly and cover my mouth in an attempt to stifle my yelps. Yep. Yelps. It was the worst.

Also he did this really weird like swirly tongue thing when he kissed. Like TOO much swirly tongue. Like lips almost never touched it was just swirling tongues…? What even is that? I mean I went with it and all, but it was very serpanty. Very reminiscent of a serpent orgy.

So that was it. That was officially the first time I have had to stop seeing a guy because his dick is too big.

But have no fear, friends! I am still talking to the other guy. His date suggestion was come over and smoke a joint. A little twist to a classic favourite. Hey you know what really helps lube me up for sex? Getting a dry fucking mouth. Idiots.

This time I’m gonna get a dick pic first, though. Fuck that.