What Kind of Fuckery is This?

This is probably the part where I start off by apologizing for my total lack of web presence over the past 2 months. But I’m a boss ass bitch so I ain’t apologizing for shiiiiiit.


What kinda fucked up fuckery is THIS shit?!   -Me. A few weeks ago.

I signed up for Tinder and met a few dudes. Nothing exciting came out of it, really. Mostly just another avenue where I can be reminded that “There’s no one new around you“. Yea. I know. Thanks a lot for the reminder, Tinder. Asshole.

There was one exception, however, of a particular fellow who was totally fucked and a mega psychotic master manipulator. Sound interesting? Let’s share this befuddling buttfuckery of a riddle, shall we?

“Met” him on tinder in February in my home town but unfortunately had to fly back to my town of schooling before we were able to meet in person. We kept in touch and would text/call for about 2 months. I wasn’t really too sure how I felt about him. He seemed so serious and he was always asking relationship based questions. He would ask if I think a long distance relationships would work, what I wanted in a relationship, and just tons of marriage-minded questions. He would constantly say how he knows him and I are meant to be together. It irked me, actually. I had never even met him in person, and I felt like he didn’t know me well enough to say that kinda stuff. He needed to chill. Anyway, I was still interested in meeting him and seeing where it would go so when I flew back home in April, I did.

We had wine at his house and sat and talked on the couch. Some PG13 2nd-base making out happened and I was on my merry way home. Again, during that conversation he was very relationship focused and kept asking: do you feel a connection here?, do you see us going somewhere? I’m really feeling this etc.etc.  Again, I thought it was a bit much, but I’m open to passionate people so ok cool. He’s intense. I can deal.

Next time I see him, I meet up with him at night we had take out chinese food and I slept over. Sex happened. Again with the relationship shit. He told me I could leave stuff like a toothbrush and contact solution at his house for when I came next time. He wondered aloud about making plans to meet me in Domincan in June. And again, expressed how he felt for me.

The next morning, I left to go meet a friend and he INSISTED I come back later that evening to go out for dinner and hang out. I was done chilling with my friend earlier than expected so when I texted him to hang out he didn’t respond until about 3 hours later. By that time I was long gone (I live about 40 minutes from him) and with another friend. He apologized for not having his volume on his phone. We made plans for the next day and I would stay at his house overnight and cab to the airport in the morning. It was a perfect arrangement since my flight was so early and I had no means of public transportation from my house to the airport at that hour. I get a text that night saying he is is in bed and misses me.

And that was, essentially, the last time I ever heard from him.

3pm Monday I text him and ask him what time he wants to meet me. No response. I knew he was at work so I wasn’t really concerned about it at this point. I checked the bus schedule and it turned out there was only one time I could take that had me arrive downtown at 630pm. Perfect time for dinner (which was what we had planned). I packed my things and hopped on the bus. By that time it was already after 5 and I started getting weirded out that I hadn’t heard from him. But I figured he was busy at work and would call me when he could. After all, he missed me right? He’s the one who wants to see me so badly. He wanted me to leave stuff at his house for christ’s sake! I called him when I got off the bus but no answer. uh-oh, right? I tried not to fret. I went to a Starbucks to chill and get some work done while I waited.

7pm… 715.. 730… 745…  I think you see where this is going. I got stood up.

Worst of all, I’m STRANDED downtown and I NEEDED to stay there that night in order to catch my flight. Thankfully, a girlfriend of mine was home that evening and was able to offer me her couch after I embarrassingly admitted to her that I was stood up and stranded.

I TRIED to not be mad because he’s OBVIOUSLY super into me .. so something MUST have happened. I’d feel soooo terrible if I sent him slandering messages only to later find out he had an accident or something. So I just sent some “text me when you can, is everything okay?” messages instead. I was PISSED, though. Like seething pissed.

As soon as I got to my friends house I was like fuck it! I’ll take my fine ass out for dinner. I was getting wined and dined one way or another. So I did. I ended up at a small italian place. Great pasta, great wine. And, of course, I flirted with the waiter and ended up shutting the place down with him and getting drunk after hours. It was actually awesome!


Damn right.

Anyway, the next day I fly out, get home, and still hear nothing from him. I have NO idea what’s happening. 1… 2… 3…. days and nothing. I was SO confused. He was SO into me. right? Wasn’t he? I went over every millisecond of that weekend and our conversations. Is it because I didn’t act super emotionally attached back? Is it because I slept with him? Was this whole thing just some elaborate scheme to sleep with me? Did I offend him? Did I miss something?  Is he okay? Is he secretly psychotic? Seriously. What kind of fuckery is this?!

I sent him a direct photo on instagram just in case he logged onto IG from a friend’s account. But nope.

Interestingly, we have a mutual friend whom I finally contacted 4 days later. I asked if he had heard from him, fully expecting to hear a nope. nothing. But instead… what he said PISSED me off to no end!   “yea I saw him at soccer last night. He didn’t say anything“.


I texted him “what the fuck dude why haven’t you contacted me?”

Much to my surprise he responded RIGHT AWAY with “There you are! I got my phone stolen I’m just setting it up now

The fuck’s this kind trying to pull? I was NOT buying it.. Unfortunately, I was at work at the time and couldn’t talk so I told him we can talk tomorrow.

When I called him the next day, he didn’t answer but instead texted me saying he was driving somewhere and would call me when he got there. He apologized and said “I can’t imagine what I put you through“. Hmmm okay.. sign of empathy that’s good… right?     Right?

Nope. No phone call. 1..2….3…4…5..6 hours later…Nothing. I texted him. No response.

IS HE FUCKED?! what the FUCK is he doing?

The next day I text him and just let him know I’m really disappointed he didn’t have the courtesy to contact me.

And still, no reply at all.

But oh, wait…OH wait for it…….   4 hours later,  he posts a picture of himself on instagram.

Slap. in. the. face.

I deleted him immediately and erased his number.

That was it. I will honestly NEVER know what happened. Or what his angle was.. why the over-bearing relationship talk? Why the intermittent apology texts but then no real follow up? Where was he that night he stood me up? is he just a pathological liar? Has he done this before? What did he even gain from it?  So So so SO SO flaming befuddling.


So that was a super long and cathartic post. Props to those who made it this far.