Everything I’ve Ever Said About Big Dicks Has Been A Lie

Shrub-Bush-Plant-costume

I’ve been a pretty avid activist for all types of penis sizes for a number of years. Small rockets can rock it too, you know. But I realize now, I only said that because I was wrong. 100% wrong.

Big dicks are amazing. And everyone needs to know this.

Basically, the dude I’m fucking now has ruined sex for me forever. There is literally no point in me having sex with anyone else after him. I’m just going to have to marry him or become celibate. Two options.

My cervix needs a full day of recovery after him. But he told me that sometimes I’m so tight it hurts him. So I guess we are even.

This is the type of shit that makes girls poke holes in the condom. I’m about to throw out all my birth control pills and drive by his house late at night with infared goggles. Naw fuck it, I’m ordering a bush costume online right now, as we speak, so I can hide outside his house looking like inconspicuous shrubbery. And that mother fucker doesn’t even HAVE bushes on his front lawn. I am THAT committed to the crazy. Or no. Fuck it, I’m about to murder his best friend, climb inside his best friend’s body, sew it up from the inside, and pretend I’m him just so I can spend time with the mother fucker.

That’s how good the dick is.

God damn.

 

 

 

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